[4 of 6]
September 25th 9 a.m.
I shuffled quietly down the hallway towards the Professor's office. Hopeful, nervous and exhausted I paused in front of his door.
<Ugh, shouldn't have stayed up to watch the stars >
:::Come on in, Rogue.:::
Entering and settling into a comfortable leather chair, I thanked him for checking with Cerebro.
"My dear, there really is no good way to go about this, so I'll just tell you. That smear on the envelope--"
"Yes?" I interrupted, my heart beating a mile a minute.
"Well, Jean identified it as blood, Rogue. Logan's blood."
"What? How can that be? Is he hurt?! Where in Gawd's name is he?!" I wailed.
"I--I do not know. I could not pick up his presence with Cerebro. I fear that he is dead. I'm so very sorry."
Incredulously, I stammer, "Wh--What do you mean you fear he is dead?"
"How can that be? Logan cannot be dead. He has the ability to heal himself. He has nine inch adamantium claws in both hands to protect himself, for Gawd's sake!" I spit out anger welling up.
<Oh, Ah so cannot take this right now >
"Don't you 'Rogue' me!" Leaning towards him, I hissed vehemently, "Ya know, this is YOUR fault. YOU gave him the information about that Gawd damned base. And knowing Logan like Ah do, he took it and ran with it. They were wait--" cutting myself off not wanting to finish the horrible thought, I glared at the stunned man before me with eyes flashing and abruptly got up and strode from the Professor's office slamming the door on my way out.
<Ah need to get out of here. Ah need to--the woods >
Passing Kitty and Bobby as they were making their way to breakfast, I stalked out of the mansion. My pace quickening I hurried to the only place Logan and I could really think, the wooded area adjacent to the mansion opened its welcoming arms to me. Branches whipping at my now damp face, I ran until I came upon a clearing. Sobbing, I looked skywards and let out a gut-wrenching cry, "Aaahhhhh!" Clenching my fists, six-inch bone claws shot out and stalking to the nearest tree I let loose the rage that had been building inside.
Anger, denial and agonizing grief washed through me, I stumbled back into the clearing and screamed at the heavens above, "Why the FUCK are ya doing this to me?! What did HE do to ever deserve this?! Huh?! What did AH ever do to deserve this?! Do you think Ah'm not in enough Gawd damned pain?! Is that it?! Well, FUCK YOU! Fuck all of you "
Sobbing uncontrollably with my head in my hands, emotionally as well as physically drained I collapsed onto my knees in the clearing.
<Chuck did say that he couldn't find Logan with Cerebro no Gawd >
Kneeling in the small meadow, I gradually realized that maybe Logan did really mean to send the tape. That thing did look like it was carried everywhere. Perhaps that was just his way of saying good-bye knowing that he couldn't do hell with words. Even through the immense sadness, I was happy that he did tell me he loved me and hopefully wherever he is now, he knows I love him just as much, maybe more.
<Love ya sugah. You'll forever be in mah heart. And baby, it's been one hell of a ride.>
Sniffling, I rubbed my face and looked about finally taking notice of the beautiful wildflowers growing sporadically throughout the small clearing. With out a second thought, I started picking and moments later I had quite a bouquet. Turning I started back to the mansion unconsciously or maybe consciously "walking on."
Pausing at the greenhouse, I rummaged around for a vase. Finding a short, squat one, I grab it and head into the mansion's kitchen to wash it out. Too occupied with rinsing out the vase, I feel a presence behind me. Filling the vase halfway and putting the wildflowers inside, I turn and come face to face with Jean.
Eyes narrowing, I say, "Jean."
<Shit, that came out too harsh.>
Taken back slightly, Jean hesitantly put a hand on my shoulder, "I-I'm so sorry, Rogue. He'll be missed."
I offer a small sad smile and quietly drawl, "Yeah he will be."
Looking for a way to change the subject, the red head nodded to the wildflowers, "Those are beautiful."
"Ya think?" I ask grateful for the subject change.
"Thanks. Ah picked them just now. Ah'm gonna put them in mah room."
"Listen, Rogue, if you--"
Cutting her off, I finished her thought "Ah know, Ah'll find ya if Ah want to talk."
"Dinner's in half an hour."
Opening the door to my room I notice a scrap of paper on the floor. Placing the vase of flowers on my nightstand, I read the message on the paper with a smile: We're here for ya sweetie! Love ya lots, Jubes & Kitty.
<Word travels fast. It's great that everyone cares. Oh, Ah don't know how to deal with this >
Freshening up, I hurry downstairs for dinner. Not realizing that I had missed lunch, I was very hungry and my stomach was growling up a storm on my way to the dining room. Finding the dining room crowded with students and teachers alike, I grabbed a plate and load up on food. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jubes waving frantically at me, "Roggie!"
<Oh, Jubes. That's so unbecoming of you.>
Shaking my head and rolling my eyes, I make my way over towards Jubilee.
"Why doncha grab a seat next to KitKat?"
"Ah think Ah'm gonna take a rain check on that and head up to mah room. Talk to ya later?"
Crouching down to get closer to my best buds, I whispered my thanks for their note. Getting up I feel the Professor's eyes on me so I turn and give him a curt nod then I head to my room.
<Ah think I'm gonna make a copy of Logan's tape >
Returning to my room, I dig hungrily into my meal of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans and a Coke.
<Mmmm not like mah mom's, but it'll do.>
Taking a bite of a chicken leg, I mull over the thoughts running rampant in my head.
<Logan can't be dead. He just can't be. His presence has to be wiped off the - what is it that Chuck calls it - astral plane for Cerebro to not be able to pick it up. Right? How can that be? Why did ya go, Logan? I know finding the past is so important to ya, but why did ya go, damnit. Oh, this is so hurting mah head >
Finishing the last of the green beans, I push the plate to the side and grab my Coke to finish it off. Pulling open drawers, I search my desk for a blank tape. Not finding one, I go to the shelf that holds my stereo and my tapes and CD's. Spotting one, I search the room for my Walkman to grab the tape. With both tapes in the stereo, I start recording and head to the bathroom. Returning, I put the original into the shoebox that contains the other stuff Logan had sent me and grab the copy, my Walkman and dirty dishes. Stopping in the kitchen, I put the dishes in the sink and reach for the dish soap.
<Ok, put those thoughts on the backburner. Ah've got an astronomy test tomorrow Ah've got to study for. Shit.>
Wiping my hands dry I decide to head back up to the roof to practice my astronomy for the test tomorrow.
<Shoot, Ah don't have my book >
Running back to my room and stopping in front of my door, I reach for the doorknob when I pick up a faint trace of spicy cologne. Immediately a chill runs down my spine.
<What the? Yer just imagining things, Rogue. Just grab your book and let's go.>
Opening the door, I step in and head towards my bookshelf. Glancing nonchalantly around my room I see that nothing is amiss. Taking a moment, I also check my bathroom and closet to quell the paranoid thoughts running through my head. Relieved that there's no strange presence, I grab my astronomy book and head out the door.
Strolling down the hall, I see Jubes, Kitty and Bobby returning from dinner.
"Hey Rogue! Do you wanna join us for movie night?" Kitty asked holding up a bunch of videos.
"Ah would love to Kitty, but Ah gotta study for my astronomy test tomorrow. And actually you should be too."
"Yeah, I know. I think I know my stars and constellations okay."
"Mmm-hmm. If ya wanna run through them, Ah'll be up on the roof."
Smiling to acknowledge Jubes and Bobby, I continue on my way to the roof.